Will I Always Feel This Way?
A while back, I experienced a traumatic event. I won’t go into detail about the incident, but I do want to share about how it affected me—and how I’m continuing to recover. I hope that my story can shed some light on what you may be experiencing, and give you hope that recovery is possible!
A bit of my story…
In the moment, I thought I was managing myself fairly well. I knew it was an intense and stressful experience, but I was relatively proud of how I managed to remain cool as a cucumber through it all. “Never let them see you sweat,” is what I thought to myself. I could feel the weight of the stressful event clinging to me throughout the afternoon and into the evening, but I carried on…
…until I couldn’t carry on anymore.
I was startled when I bumped a jar of pickles in the fridge, and my heart jumped out of my chest. Panic set in. I started to hyperventilate, and I crumpled over, almost collapsing to the ground. I did some breathing exercises and prayed, and I slowly regained my composure.
As I got up from the floor, I asked myself, “What the heck just happened?”
You see, I’ve helped others recover from stressful events and panic attacks, but I never understood how these moments could “surprise” you when you least expect it. It was as though this violently scared part of me saw a chance to break to the surface, and it completely hijacked my body for a few minutes. I felt like my mind and body were out of control, and I was frightened to think that this could happen again.
And it did, to a lesser degree. I experienced these sudden moments of panic for a number of days after the initial event, always followed by a slight depression for a few minutes or hours afterwards.
Why can’t I just “get over it?”
I already had an appointment with my counsellor booked for a few days from then, so I did my best to manage in the meantime. When I sat down with him, I shared what had happened—both the traumatic event and how I had been coping for the last number of days—and then I asked the question that was burning in my mind… “Will I always feel like this?”
I already knew the answer from my training and work as a counsellor, but I needed to hear it from someone else. My counsellor reassured me that I wouldn’t always feel this way, but he then went on to explain something else that helped me understand more about what I was experiencing—and it’s something that I’ve now been able to help others understand and work through too.
He explained that what I was experiencing is called Acute Stress. It has the same symptoms as PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), but it is typically short-lived. After a severely stressful event, the body and soul can become stuck in a pattern of being constantly retriggered by internal and external stressors. For example, when I bumped the jar of pickles, it triggered my stress-response system, and that was an example of an external trigger. In other moments, certain thoughts, emotions, or body sensations would send me hurtling towards another panic attack, and those are examples of internal triggers.
If this pattern of being retriggered continues for days, weeks, or even months, the body and soul never get a chance to heal and recover. This can have a huge impact in all areas of our life, including our mental health, physical health, spiritual health, and relationships.
Healing & Recovery Take Time
The good news for me was that, as I continued to process what had happened to me by allowing myself to feel the emotions attached to the trauma (but not become overwhelmed or flooded by them), the acute stress events gradually lessened over time. The traumatic memory is still there, but the emotions attached to it have been validated and cared for enough that I don’t spiral into panic whenever I’m reminded of what happened. I’m back to being able to enjoy my life without being interrupted by what happened in the past.
However, it can also happen that our body and soul do get stuck in the past. Sometimes we’re simply not able to process the emotions associated with a traumatic event because of life circumstances or the severity of what happened. In these cases, acute stress can linger and become PTSD. As with acute stress, PTSD is also not a “life sentence” and can be treated through counselling—but it rarely just goes away on its own.
If you are experiencing symptoms of PTSD, and it has been longer than one-month after the traumatic incident, it is possible that you will need some help to fully recover. Talk to a friend or family member and allow them to help you decide if seeing a counsellor is right for you. You can also give us a call, and we would be glad to help you start your healing journey.
