As couples begin to navigate difficult conversations in the therapy office, they gradually realize it is much harder to do the same at home. Although clients and I have joked about this in the past… I cannot (nor do I want to) go to your home to remind you and your partner to “slow down” when trying to communicate.

In place of this obviously uncomfortable situation, I offer couples one of my favourite relationship tools: the Feelings Wheel.

For those of you who are like me and don’t like conflict (I mean—really don’t like conflict), I want to share something with you that helped me become able to handle conflict situations better. It’s not “five easy steps” or some secret knowledge that came to me in a dream. It’s something that I gained from counselling, and something that I like to help my clients with too.

“You mean, a ‘counsellor’? Heck no. I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work. They just gave me some dumb coping skills and sent me on my way.”

I operate with a simple principle for my health, and it translates into my work as a counsellor: don’t work at coping with the issue harder than you are willing to work to resolve it. In other words, don’t waste your time and energy getting a temporary fix, if you could instead experience true and lasting relief…

I’ve recommended tons of people to different counsellors around Saskatoon over the years. But the common objection I hear in response is, “Why? How could that help?”

I must admit—I’m only ‘slightly’ biased... but please hear me out.

Before I was a counsellor, I was a client…