Finding the Right Therapist for You
Finding a therapist is a big step toward improving your mental health, and it's not always easy to know where to begin. With so many options, it can feel overwhelming—especially when you're already dealing with some form of mental health or emotional concern. And personally, I’ve sat down with different therapists over the years, and it hasn’t always been a great experience. I’ve left their offices feeling disappointed and discouraged, wondering if I’d ever find someone that I truly connected with.
But don’t worry! We hope to make the process simpler and give you (and the people who care about you) strategies to get started.
Why Finding the Right Therapist Matters
Therapy is deeply personal. Your relationship with your therapist plays a huge role in how effective your sessions will be. It's not just about qualifications—although that’s important—it’s also about finding someone you feel comfortable with, someone who gets you.
The right therapist should help you feel heard, valued, and safe, whether you're exploring past trauma, managing anxiety, or working through stress in your daily life. On the flip side, a poor match might make it harder for you to open up or stick with often long journey of therapy. So, taking the time to find the right person is worth it.
How to Start Your Search
1. Know What You’re Looking For
Think about why you’re seeking therapy. Are you struggling with depression, anxiety, or a specific trauma? Maybe you’re dealing with relationship issues or work-related stress. Different counsellors or therapists specialize in different areas, so knowing your needs can help narrow your search.
You might also have a preference for certain approaches to therapy. I sometimes describe the different counselling approaches to clients using three broad categories. This is by no means an exhaustive list or foolproof model—but my clients have found it to be a helpful way to start understanding the different therapy options out there today.
Behavioural Therapies – Example: Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT)
These approaches view a person’s difficulties as stemming from a lack of effective coping mechanisms or behavioural skills. Behavioural therapies focus on helping individuals modify their actions to achieve positive outcomes. Often, gaining insight into our problems and adopting better strategies can make a significant difference in resolving issues.
However, what happens when you’re already doing all the “right” things, yet your problem persists? Or what if making changes feels too difficult or overwhelming? This highlights a major limitation of behavioural therapies: they may not address situations where the challenge isn’t knowing what to do, but rather the difficulty in implementing those changes or coping with the ongoing intensity of the problem. In such cases, a different therapeutic approach might be more effective in meeting your needs and helping you move forward.
Cognitive Therapies – Example: Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
These types of therapy view a person’s difficulties as stemming from irrational, negative, or unhelpful thoughts and beliefs. The goal of cognitive therapies is to help individuals become aware of these thought patterns and replace them with more rational, positive, and constructive alternatives. Over time, these new ways of thinking tend to become habitual, often leading to a significant reduction or complete resolution of the original problem.
Most modern cognitive therapies, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which is often considered the “gold standard,” integrate behavioural change into the process. This balanced approach acknowledges that addressing both thoughts and behaviours can lead to more effective and lasting outcomes.
That said, cognitive therapies also have limitations. What if the new, more positive thoughts feel unrealistic or unconvincing? Or what if the so-called “irrational” or “unhelpful” beliefs serve a meaningful, protective, or purposeful role? In such cases, it may be necessary to explore deeper, often unconscious reasons why these problematic thoughts, feelings, or behaviors persist. A different therapeutic approach may better address these underlying complexities.
Experiential Therapies – Examples: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS)
Finally, this category of therapies focuses on exploring and working with emotions and unconscious drives. Unlike traditional talk therapy, these approaches often use dynamic and creative techniques such as bodywork, role-playing, guided imagery, art, and other experiential activities. These methods allow individuals to process their emotions in a more tangible and engaging way, making them especially beneficial for those who find it difficult to express their feelings verbally. By connecting with emotions and experiences on a deeper level, experiential therapies can help individuals achieve meaningful insights and emotional breakthroughs.
However, like all therapeutic approaches, experiential therapies have their limitations. One common critique is that they may sometimes place less emphasis on teaching practical tools or skills, which are often necessary for addressing day-to-day challenges effectively. Balancing emotional exploration with actionable strategies can be key to achieving lasting progress.
If you’re not sure what would be best for you, that’s okay. Many therapists are trained in multiple approaches and can help you decide what’s best for you.
2. Check Qualifications and Experience
Look for licensed therapists with appropriate credentials, like RSW (Registered Social Worker), CCC (Canadian Certified Counsellor), or RMFT (Registered Marriage & Family Therapist). These qualifications not only give you a sense of the therapist’s training/education, but they also assure you that they are registered with a professional body that requires them to competently provide therapeutic services (nobody wants the field of mental health to become the “wild west” where anyone can put up a sign and start charging for therapy).
If you're dealing with specific issues, like PTSD, eating disorders, or addiction, it can be helpful to find someone with specialized training in those areas. Many practitioners list their specialities or areas of focus in bios on their web page or online profile.
Qualifications or credentials also matter to insurance companies, so make sure to double check what professions are covered under your policy.
3. Ask for Recommendations
Sometimes, word of mouth is the best way to find a great therapist. Ask friends, family, or even your doctor if they know anyone they’d recommend. If you’re not comfortable sharing your search with others, online directories like Psychology Today are excellent resources.
4. Consider Practical Factors
Therapy is typically a long-term commitment (usually more than 6 months), so logistics matter. Here are a few questions to consider:
Location: Do you prefer in-person therapy nearby or online sessions you can do from home?
Cost: What’s your budget, and does the therapist accept your insurance?
Availability: Can they meet at times that fit your schedule?
5. Trust Your Gut During the First Session
Your initial session is like a first date—it’s a chance to see if you “click.” Pay attention to how you feel:
Do you feel safe and understood?
Does the therapist listen without judgment?
Are they clear about their approach and how they can help?
If something feels off, that’s okay. It might take meeting a couple of therapists to find the right fit.
Even before the first session… take advantage of free consultations. Many therapists offer these nowadays, and they are a great way to get a feel for what it’s like to talk with them about what’s going on. It is also the perfect opportunity to clarify any questions you may have about the process.
Tools and Strategies for Friends and Family
If someone you care about is struggling, encouraging them to start counselling can be tricky. You want to be supportive without being pushy. Here are some strategies to help:
1. Lead with Compassion
Remember, your friend or family member might already feel overwhelmed. Approach the conversation with kindness, not judgment. Instead of saying, “You’re pretty messed up. You need therapy,” try something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been really stressed lately. Have you thought about talking to someone?”
2. Share Resources
Offer to help with the research process. You could:
Look up therapists in their area.
Share articles or videos about the benefits of therapy.
Suggest free or low-cost counselling options if money is a concern.
3. Offer to Help with Logistics
Practical support can make a big difference. Offer to:
Help them make the first call or send an email to a therapist.
Drive them to their first appointment if it’s in person.
Watch their kids or pets while they’re in a session.
4. Be Patient
It can take time for someone to feel ready to start therapy. They might feel nervous, unsure, or even resistant. Keep the lines of communication open, and remind them that therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Tips for Making Therapy Work
Once you’ve found the right therapist, there are a few things you can do to make the most of your sessions:
Be Honest – It might feel uncomfortable at first, but being open with your therapist is key. They’re not there to judge you—they’re there to help.
Set Goals – Work with your therapist to define what you want to get out of therapy. Whether it’s reducing anxiety, processing trauma, or managing stress better, having clear goals can give your sessions direction.
Be Patient with Yourself – Progress takes time. You might not notice big changes right away, and that’s okay. Therapy is a process, and every step forward is worth celebrating.
Don’t Be Afraid to Switch – If, after a few sessions, you feel like your therapist isn’t the right fit, it’s okay to move on. Finding the right person can take a little trial and error, and that’s perfectly normal.
Final Thoughts
Starting therapy is a courageous act of self-compassion. Whether you're dealing with depression, anxiety, addiction, stress, or trauma, reaching out for help shows courage and hope. The journey to finding the right therapist might take some patience, but the rewards—better mental health, greater self-understanding, and improved relationships—are more than worth it.
If you’re supporting someone else, remember to lead with empathy and understanding. Sometimes, the smallest acts of kindness—like sending a helpful link or just being there to listen—can make all the difference.
