How to Help Someone Struggling with their Mental Health (Part 3)
We’ve come to our last blog post in this series. In the first article, we focused on understanding our motivations for helping and recognizing our limits. In the second article, we looked at some helpful tips for listening, staying grounded, and reflecting emotion.
In this article, we are going to be integrating all the things we’ve explored up till now using “VCR” and some practical support options, as well as the power of prayer.
VCR – Validate, Comfort, Recover
VCR is not just a nostalgic way to watch classic Disney movies; it also serves as a crucial model for helping someone in emotional distress. This concept, introduced by Dr. Marcus Warner and Dr. Jim Wilder, highlights an important aspect of our brain's response to emotional distress. Without getting deep into the neuroscience of it, research has shown us that our brain (nervous system) struggles to take in external messages when in emotional distress. This is an effective way our body tries to protect us from emotional harm. However, along with keeping out harmful stimuli, this protective mechanism also keeps us from being able to receive the necessary good things we need to feel comforted in times of crisis.
To provide emotional comfort effectively, we must first ensure that the person feels their emotions are safe and validated—which is why we need to support people using the VCR model. Once their emotional response is validated, they can receive the comfort or assistance we offer.
Validation involves two key steps:
Accurately naming what the person is feeling. (i.e. reflecting emotion)
Offering some explanation that shows you understand – You don't need to agree with the person's perspective to validate their feelings. They just need to know you understand their emotions and their reasons for feeling that way.
Comfort can be provided in various ways:
Physical closeness – a gentle touch on the back or shoulder, hugging, holding hands.
Reassurance – “I love you,” “I am here for you,” “I’m not going anywhere.”
Listening – “You can tell me how you feel. I want to know.”
Grieving together – “I’m so sorry you feel this hurt. I’m so sorry you are going through this.”
Finally, the person needs time to recover and return to a stable emotional state. Over time, the VCR model helps form a new pattern in the brain, teaching us that we can recover from hard and uncomfortable emotions, increasingly a person’s tolerance with emotional distress.
Taking Care of Business
When someone is in emotional distress, it can be difficult for them to solve problems or complete even simple tasks. Often, our role in supporting a friend or family member struggling with their mental health involves offering practical help. Here are some things to consider:
Ask How You Can Help – Start by asking what kind of assistance they would like from you. This shows that you are there for them and helps you understand how to best support them. You could offer to help find resources in the community or online, or see if they would like help talking to a trusted adult. Be clear about your boundaries—if they request something you are not comfortable with, it's important to express what level of support you can provide.
Build a Support Network – Assist them in identifying other caring and supportive individuals they can reach out to during difficult times. Expanding their support network can provide them with more avenues for help.
Address Safety Concerns – If you are worried about their safety, ask them directly if they are considering harming themselves. It is important to approach this topic with sensitivity and care, but to also be clear and direct.
Refer to Professional Help – Encourage them to seek professional support from therapists, counsellors, or other mental health professionals.
Follow-Up - After your conversation, check in with them a day or two later to see how they are doing. A simple message like, “How are you feeling since we talked?” can remind them they are not alone and that you are there to support them.
By taking these steps, you can provide meaningful and practical support to someone in emotional distress, helping them navigate their challenges with a sense of companionship and care.
The Power of Prayer
As both Christians and mental health professionals, our team at SoulSoothe Counselling & Wellness believes deeply in the power of prayer. It is a vital component of our time together as a team and in our personal lives. We pray for one another and for those we support, trusting in the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the comfort of His presence.
Before Jesus ascended to heaven, He promised His followers that the Holy Spirit would soon come to them. As it is written in Acts 1:4-5 (NIV): “On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: ‘Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.’”
I can only imagine what it must have been like to be a disciple in that moment. They had spent three years being personally trained by Jesus for ministry, practicing and applying His teachings on mission trips, and witnessing incredible successes. Yet, they were instructed to wait. Why? What more could be coming?
The disciples waited in prayerful expectation, not just because it was a command from their Lord, but because they understood that the coming Holy Spirit would fill them with both wisdom and power.
I am firmly convinced that all the greatest training and tools in the world are insignificant compared to the wisdom and power of God. I never want to assume that I have anything greater to offer than the presence of God, who, by His love and grace, chooses to be present with those in emotional distress.
In the Gospel of John, Jesus repeatedly assures His followers: “Whatever you ask in my name, the Father will give you” (John 14:13; 15:16; 16:23). We are invited to ask, and I believe that one of the most loving and helpful things we can do is to bring a person before our Heavenly Father in prayer.
By integrating prayer into our practice, we combine the best of our professional expertise with the profound spiritual support that prayer offers. This holistic approach allows us to provide comprehensive care that addresses both the emotional and spiritual needs of those we serve.
Our team of professionals is here to support you as you support others. Consider reaching out to us for a free consultation to learn more about the mental health services we offer.
