How to Help Someone Struggling with their Mental Health (Part 1)
When we see someone struggling with their mental health, it's natural to want to help, but we often don't know how to begin. We might even worry that our efforts could make things worse. While therapy should be handled by trained professionals, there are still ways we can support our friends and family in distress. This blog series will provide helpful information and practical tools to help you assist someone struggling with their mental health.
The Bottom Line
I'll start by sharing the key takeaway from this series—so even if you don't read everything, you'll know this important point:
You don't need to be a mental health professional to help friends or family struggling with their mental health. Simply being with them in their pain and showing you care can offer comfort and healing. Since most emotional wounds stem from relationships, providing a safe and loving presence is crucial. Sometimes, just being there is enough, but there are practical skills you can learn to do this effectively.
In the rest of this article, we'll focus on understanding our motivations for helping and recognizing our limits.
Why Do You Want to Help?
An important question to ask ourselves is, “Why do I want to help people?” This might seem like an odd question, but it's crucial for us to answer. Helping others is good—it’s something we've been taught to do from a young age at home, in school, or at church—but it can also be hard and messy, often involving us in others' painful experiences. So, why do you want to help people?
Everyone has different reasons. Some people help because it makes them feel good to connect with someone in need. Others do it out of a sense of duty or obligation. And some help purely out of love and care for others.
If I'm being completely honest, I help others because I care for and love people, but also because it makes me feel good, and I find people interesting and enjoy building meaningful relationships. Our reasons can be complex.
This isn’t meant to shame or judge you for wanting to help—our world needs all the help it can get. However, we must manage our motivations to ensure they don't take over. When we enter someone else's emotional crisis, many feelings can arise within us. These emotions can limit our ability to help and might even cause more harm.
Know Your Limits
As a Registered Social Worker and mental health professional, I sometimes still feel underequipped to help others. Despite years of experience, training, and witnessing moments of healing and resilience with clients, there are times when I encounter situations beyond my ability to assist. In those moments, I must stop and acknowledge that I may not be the best person to help right then. I still offer kindness and compassion, and I commit to helping them find the right person to support them—but I know my limits.
This principle applies to all of us. No matter how many books you've read or TikTok videos you've watched… it doesn’t make you a mental health professional.
Here's the good news! It's actually beneficial that you're not a professional because your struggling friend needs you as a friend, not as a therapist. You can’t be both, so focus on being the best friend you can be.
Before we can help others, we must be well ourselves. As the saying goes in First Aid training and airplane safety demonstrations, “put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.” We don’t need to be perfect, but we do need to be okay so that we don’t become overwhelmed while trying to help our friends and family.
To support our friends and family effectively when they're struggling with their mental health, we need to understand our limits and set boundaries on what we can and cannot do. Boundaries protect our relationships and allow us to share genuine love and care. If you don’t know your limits or fail to enforce them, you restrict the amount of support you can provide.
Remember, it's okay to say “no” if you’re also struggling or if you don’t feel able to help at that moment. It’s better to be clear about what you can and cannot do than to make promises you can’t keep. Learning to set healthy and loving boundaries is crucial in caring for the people we love.
Reaching Out for Help
When we find ourselves unable to provide the necessary support to our friends and family, it’s crucial to seek additional help. Connecting them with the right professionals is an essential first step. This might involve finding a therapist, counsellor, or support group that can address their specific needs more effectively.
Additionally, it's important for you to consider seeking support for yourself as well. Being around mental illness or addiction can negatively impact your own mental health. A counsellor can help you establish healthy and effective boundaries and identify any emotional blockages that prevent you from maintaining those boundaries.
A counsellor can assist you in several ways:
Setting Healthy Boundaries – They can guide you in defining what you can and cannot do, ensuring that your support for your friends and family does not come at the expense of your own well-being.
Identifying Emotional Blockages – A counsellor can help you recognize and address any personal issues that make it difficult to enforce boundaries. This might include feelings of guilt, fear, or a desire to “fix” everything for your friends and family.
Providing Emotional Support – Dealing with a friend’s or family member’s mental health struggles can be emotionally draining. A counsellor can offer a safe space for you to express your feelings and receive support.
Offering Practical Advice – They can give you practical strategies for supporting your friends and family while also taking care of yourself. This might include communication techniques, stress management strategies, and self-care practices.
By taking these steps, you ensure that you are in a better position to help your friends and family while also safeguarding your own mental health. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup; taking care of yourself is a crucial part of being able to support others effectively.
Our team of professionals is here to support you as you support others. Consider reaching out to us for a free consultation to learn more about the mental health services we offer.
